The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term exam. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Here is the "Bonus Question" on the exam:
Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1.. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2.. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa (a girlfriend of mine during my Freshman year) that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is Exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A."
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Thursday, March 09, 2006
The Child's confession
Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.
He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.
Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.
"Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.
Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday." Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
Letter 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Bobby
Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.
Letter 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you.
Your friend Bobby
Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.
Letter 3
Dear God,
I have been an "OK "boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
Bobby
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.
Letter 4
God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please!
Thank you,
Bobby
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.
Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.
"Just be home in time for dinner," Bobby's mother told him.
Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Bobby began to write his letter to God.
Letter 5
God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!!!!!
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.
He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.
Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.
"Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.
Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday." Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
Letter 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Bobby
Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.
Letter 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you.
Your friend Bobby
Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.
Letter 3
Dear God,
I have been an "OK "boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
Bobby
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.
Letter 4
God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please!
Thank you,
Bobby
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.
Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.
"Just be home in time for dinner," Bobby's mother told him.
Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Bobby began to write his letter to God.
Letter 5
God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, January 13, 2006
Women's Desire
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a
neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by
Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long
as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to
figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he
would be put to death.
The question was: What do women really want ?
Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young
Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death,
he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the
priests,the wise men, and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone,
but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have
the answer. But the price would be high as the witch was famous through out
the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to
the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to
her price first.
The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights
of the Round Table, and Arthur's closest friend!
Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunch-backed and hideous, had only one
tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never
encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.
He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible
burden, but Lancelot, having learnt of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He
said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the
preservation of the Round Table.
Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question
thus: "What a woman really wants," she said, "is to be in charge of her own
life."
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great
truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it was, the
neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch
had a wonderful wedding.
The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific
experience, entered the bed room. But, what a sight awaited him. The most
beautiful woman he had ever seen, lay before him on the bed.
The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened. The beauty replied that
since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would
henceforth be her horrible and deformed self only half the time and the
beautiful maiden the other half.
"Which would you prefer? she asked him. "Beautiful during the day ... or
at night?"
Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day he could have a beautiful
woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his
castle, an old witch!
Or,
Would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night a
beautiful woman for him to enjoy wonderous, intimate moments with?
(If you are a man reading this ...) What would YOUR choice be?
(If you are a woman reading this ..) What would YOUR MAN'S choice be?
What Lancelot chose is below.
BUT ... make YOUR choice before you scroll down below........OK??
Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch gave Arthur to his question,
said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time
because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own
life.
Now ... what is the moral to this story?
The moral is ..
1) If you don't let a woman have her own way, things are going to get ugly.
2) There is witch in every woman no matter how beautiful she is!!
3) There is a Beautiful heart in every woman no matter even if shes a
witch!!
neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by
Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long
as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to
figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he
would be put to death.
The question was: What do women really want ?
Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young
Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death,
he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the
priests,the wise men, and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone,
but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have
the answer. But the price would be high as the witch was famous through out
the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to
the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to
her price first.
The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights
of the Round Table, and Arthur's closest friend!
Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunch-backed and hideous, had only one
tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never
encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.
He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible
burden, but Lancelot, having learnt of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He
said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the
preservation of the Round Table.
Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question
thus: "What a woman really wants," she said, "is to be in charge of her own
life."
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great
truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it was, the
neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch
had a wonderful wedding.
The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific
experience, entered the bed room. But, what a sight awaited him. The most
beautiful woman he had ever seen, lay before him on the bed.
The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened. The beauty replied that
since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would
henceforth be her horrible and deformed self only half the time and the
beautiful maiden the other half.
"Which would you prefer? she asked him. "Beautiful during the day ... or
at night?"
Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day he could have a beautiful
woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his
castle, an old witch!
Or,
Would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night a
beautiful woman for him to enjoy wonderous, intimate moments with?
(If you are a man reading this ...) What would YOUR choice be?
(If you are a woman reading this ..) What would YOUR MAN'S choice be?
What Lancelot chose is below.
BUT ... make YOUR choice before you scroll down below........OK??
Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch gave Arthur to his question,
said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time
because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own
life.
Now ... what is the moral to this story?
The moral is ..
1) If you don't let a woman have her own way, things are going to get ugly.
2) There is witch in every woman no matter how beautiful she is!!
3) There is a Beautiful heart in every woman no matter even if shes a
witch!!
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